Friday, July 30, 2010

An Act of Desperation

In an attempt to "downsize my ass" (mentioned the other day) to fit it into my cute, sea-blue, ruffly bikini bottoms, I did something today that is either genius or ridiculously moronic.

Maybe you saw that episode of Ellen in which a beautician came on and suggested rubbing warm coffee grounds on your buttocks to get rid of cellulite? If you missed it...well, I did too. You can read about it here. I, however, did not read the attached link until after applying the coffee grounds in the shower, sans olive oil and newspaper to protect the spillage. Genius me thought I came up with the saran wrap idea, too. But I didn't. I did, however, come up with the blow drier idea... read on....

So far, this has been the last 30 minutes of my life:

1. Remove coffee grounds from coffeemaker, place in a bowl. Spill half of them on the floor. Cuss more than the situation really calls for.
2. Put grounds in microwave for 30 seconds to "warm," step in spilled coffee grounds. Cuss. Wipe grounds up off the floor and foot. Cuss: dark spot on the linoleum. Cuss: we have linoleum.
3. Remove warm grounds from micro. Carry them, saran wrap and paper towels to the shower. Cuss: wearing good underwear.
4. Change into old underwear. Return to bathroom.
5. Get distracted by sonic care toothbrush that won't charge. Cuss: it's broken. 
6. Sigh.
7. Return to shower.
8. Rub warm coffee grounds on upper thighs and buttocks. Watch as most of the grounds end up on the floor of the shower.
9. Saran wrap leg from knee to buttocks. Cuss: saran wrap is sticky. Cuss: how the f do you get saran wrap around your butt without going all the way around and thus denying yourself a bathroom break should you need one in the next hour?
10. Cuss more quietly: husband trying to write a sentimental letter. Feel selfish and vain.
11. Wash feet. Put on sweat pants.
12. Wipe up grounds in shower. Cuss: stained. Stained bad.
13. Turn on blow drier and shoot hot air into sweatpants. Thinking I'm pretty smart. Cuss. It's hot. Feel like an asshole.
14. Turn off blow drier.
15. Walk down the hall as grounds fall out bottom of sweatpants. Cuss.
16. Write this post.
17. Thank husband for telling a friend what I'm doing.

This process is not only supposed to help reduce cellulite, but it's also supposed take off "inches." The information I've read about this process instructs women to do this 2-3 times per week. Who has time for that? I guess I do right now...since I'm on summer break. But, I also value my sanity and am trying to stop swearing which clearly gets worse when I implement these methods.

I'm hoping that when I take this saran wrap off (in the back yard this time) that:

A. No neighbors can see into our yard
B. The coffee grounds won't make our grass look any worse than it already does
C. The water from the hose is magically warm
and,
D. Find that it was worth it.

I guess I'll keep you posted.

In the meantime, my newest blog is up. (If you hadn't noticed yet in the sidebar announcement.) Check it out:

I Run Because I Eat






Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I Run Because I...

It's summer-- I'm sure you're aware. So, technically I don't "run because I teach" in the summertime (because I'm not teaching). There was, of course, summer school, but I've been officially studentless for almost 3 weeks now...so what's the excuse for my irritability? (And if my husband accuses me of PMSing one more time I'm going to go ape-shit.) But I'll get to that issue in a sec.

Well, for thing I run because I eat. A lot. So, I'm starting a new blog called "I Run Because I Eat" (go figure). It's not up yet, but I'm excited about it because I consider myself a person who is well-informed and "in" the San Diego "scene" as far as film and music are concerned...let's just say I know people and therefore I tend to end up eating and drinking at the newest places around town quite often. And the only reason I'm being even a little bit braggy about this fact is because I've had a glass and a half of wine (called "Cupcake" and it's delicious)! So, my plan for that blog is to eat, drink and merry my way around San Diego this summer (and beyond). (I guess I get parenthetical- as well as braggy- when I get tipsy. huh.)

Back to the point: my irritability.

Why do I need to run during the summer? In some ways, I almost prefer the high schoolers to these reasons...

1.) I have a friend whom I love (and will call Zooey), but can't stand going out with in public, and yet that's the only place we go together. She is high maintenance but thinks she's low maintenance. There is nothing that can't be changed with her from the weather to the seasoning on her food. In fact, those are the two things she is constantly commenting on. I kind of wonder if it's a form of OCD--in which case I feel like a total asshole. But seriously, if I hear one more time in that squeaky, nasally voice (that she gets when she wants something changed for her), "ooo it's kinda chilly, I wish I had a cardigan," or "ooo the sun is making me squint, I wish I had my rose-tinted sunglasses," or "ooo this sushi needs less seeeaweed," I'm going to bitch slap someone...and there's no guarantee it'll be her. (As you may know, my husband usually gets the worst of me in these cases.) People like this need to go live in a tent next to a dump in Calcutta for a month so they can be grateful for any food at all and be grateful for living where you don't have to worry about spiders who eat your face off while you sleep. *sigh* I've gone too far. So... I run because I (actually and truly do) like Zooey, and want to keep her as my friend forever.

2. My goal is to go the beach every day for the next month, and if I'm ever going to fit into the cute ruffly bottoms that go with the cute ruffly top I have to downsize my ass. It's one of those bottoms that only covers about a 1/3 of your butt...WHY do all the cute suits do this?? (And more importantly why do they also make these suits in a size large?) I would like to stop wearing the full bottomed light-purple paisley suit bottoms from three summers ago with my new, cute, sea-blue ruffly top. So... I run because I want my bikini to match.

3. The overcast weather is perfect for running between the hours of 6am and 12pm...and even when the sun comes out around 1pm, until it goes down again at 9pm, it's nothing to Zooey about. So...I run because the weather requires.

4. My husband raps and sings life out in falsetto jingles. He hides my lip balm under my pillow at night for no apparent reason and then laughs like a fucking hyena when I find it under there. Because he stinks up the whole house on a daily basis, waits until the trash is in three separate bags on the kitchen floor and smelling like an outhouse before taking them out (his one and ONLY chore), and because he sleeps until noon whenever possible (to his credit, he's a musician and works nonstop). But mostly... I run because he tells me my ass is "looking good these days."

5. I eat frozen yogurt everyday, buy craptons* of $1.00 candy at Target while I wait in line (and then eat all 3 boxes of it while watching re-runs of 'Arrested Development: Season 1' in one sitting), and because I've discovered a new love for vodka-based drinks while eating fried foods like calamari at happy hour. So....I run because I eat.

*craptons: (pronounced crap-tons) An unreasonably large and superfluous amount of a given item.

7 Midsummer Moonlight Runs

An intriguing idea these night races. Unfortunately, I don't live in Utah or I could run one of them. But then... I'd live in Utah.  The last race listed is in my hometown, Redding, but my in-laws will be down here visiting; that would have been a good excuse to take a trip up north. On second thought... the run may be at night, but Redding in August is still 90 degrees at midnight. I'm not acclimated to that. Not even close. I'll leave it to the hardcore locals.


Thursday, July 22, 2010

Uptown Footbridge Loop (and Salad at the Ready)

(If you're only interested in the Salad part: skip to the bottom.)

Today my friend Angie and I decided to discover the footbridges of uptown. I can't believe I've lived in San Diego for over 10 years and didn't know about the suspension bridge in Banker's Hill or the old wooden bridge off Quince. But, I had just as much fun admiring the beauty of the bridges as I did the houses in the area! Whew. People have some money around here! What do they do, I wonder? And how can I make that much? I never crave richness... until I see the old, romantic, huge homes with balconies and spiral stairs and fountains and reading rooms and plazas and patios. What's it like to have a courtyard in your home??  But I digress.

This route may not be a trail-- like I've been wanting to do once a month-- (though I do have an all day hike scheduled for next week!), but it will take you through some scenic areas of San Diego. It has a little bit of everything: canyons with fragrant eucalyptus trees, craftsman homes, rose gardens, museums...odd metal lawn sculptures (I finally saw them, Anne--thanks for the pics!)

Here is the route (about 6 miles):

Bridge #1: Start at the Vermont Street Bridge: it's a 416' footbridge that connects University Heights to Hillcrest over the 163. Make your way down University to Park and head south toward Balboa Park on the east side of the road.

Bridge #2 (not pictured): Near the rose gardens above the Florida Canyon switchbacks is a small footbridge that crosses Park toward the large fountain in Balboa Park. Run west past Balboa Park's museums, botanical garden, theaters and ponds (I like running under all the arches for shade) toward the Laurel Street bridge. (There is another footbridge if you go past the zoo and Theodore Roosevelt Jr. High, but we skipped that one.)

Bridge #3 (not pictured): Not sure if this bridge counts as a "footbridge" since cars are allowed on it, but it's my second favorite bridge in San Diego for it's architectural beauty and views of both the city and sea. Continue west across the Laurel St (out of Balboa Park) and cross 6th Ave toward Bridge #4.

                                                     Bridge #4: 
After crossing 6th, continue west to 4th and take a right. Keep an eye out for the Quince Street bridge on your left. You'll go down a few stairs to the oldest and woodiest bridge in San Diego (built in 1905!). It spans Maple Canyon.  Continue toward 2nd Ave and hang a right.

Bridge #5: Continue down 2nd Ave toward Spruce, where you will turn left and find my new favoritist bridge and funist bridge to cross in San Diego: the Spruce Street suspension bridge! Do not run across if you value your life.... This bridge spans Kate Sessions Canyon (AKA Arroyo Canyon). After the bridge, hang a right and then wind your way through this suuuuper cute neighborhood with dreamy homes-- all small streets dead end, so just follow them around until you get to First. Continue up First toward Robinson.

Bridge #6: Turn right onto onto Robinson. Enjoy the short foot/car bridge that goes over the 163. Continue onto University toward Vermont St. At Vermont take a left... and you, my friend, are back at the Vermont Street bridge.

SALAD AT THE READY:

After a good run I like to try to continue my healthy streak with a salad. But, sometimes (no, all the time) salads are annoying to make. However, I recently discovered the trick to always having a delicious salad ready to go-- using a simple appliance that (I find) most people don't take advantage of: the freezer.  

First, let's analyze what makes a salad delicious: For me, it's the things I can pick at... toppings and nuts and dried berries and cheeses. But a lot of these things, especially the cheeses, go bad after a few days or weeks. Even nuts go rancid because of the oil in them. And, it gets expensive always having to buy these toppings whenever I want to be healthy. So here's how I can always have a "picky" salad whenever I want.

1. Pre-crumbled cheeses: Look for them every time you're in the grocery store (Athenos makes the best in my opinion): bleu, feta, goat... sometimes it's the plain version, sometimes they have flavored ones like sundried tomato-basil, etc. Get whatever is on sale. Take them home. Put them in the freezer. Yes....just wait. You'll see why.

2. Nuts and Seeds: Then do the same for nuts: slivered almonds, pine nuts (expensive! buy in bulk when you can), sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, pecans, walnuts. Take them home. If they are "raw"--which is usually the cheapest way to buy them--throw them in a dry skillet on medium heat. Toast them. Let them cool. Throw them all together in a freezer-safe bag. Freeze.

3. Fruit and Berries: Look for whatever dried fruit is on sale or cheapest...it's usually cranberries or raisins. But, raisins are lame. Don't buy them. Try for mango or dates or figs or anything that isn't boring f'ing raisins. The dried fruit can be stored in the pantry or the freezer.

NOW.

When you are ready to eat a salad, all you have to do is open a bag of mixed greens (because really...why would you buy a head of lettuce when you can get the pre-packaged organic spring or herb mix from Trader Joe's?), dump the greens in a large bowl, take the cheese, nuts and berries out of the freezer, throw a handful of each on top, and then go about making a simple dressing of extra virgin olive oil, flavored vinegar (Trader Joe's Champagne Orange or White Balsamic! oooh.), salt and pepper and voila!  

The cheese will defrost perfectly and keep the greens cool while you make the rest of your meal or go check email before chowing down. (If it's summer time and you have any fresh fruit like peaches, strawberries or apples laying around, chop those up and toss 'em in too!)

No more excuses and no more bland salads. The freezer will keep everything fresh until you're ready to use it.

Eat your foliage and nuts and berries.

You. are. welcome.


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I'm so hot

It is not a lie. Hot yoga is f'ing hooooooot. And I have never been this sore after a yoga class in my life. But, I will say... it was worth the torture?

That ends with a question mark because I'm a little undecided. Yesterday I went with three girlfriends up to Solana Beach for a free Hot Yoga class.  I've never been in a real yoga studio before--the 24 Hour Fitness "yoga studio" means they turn the lights out after kick boxing class. The studio we stepped into yesterday was Zen-tastic. Shoeless, unitard-wearing, yogis floated around with long wavy hair and ridiculously hot bodies (no pun intended). My friends and I looked at each other with wide eyes that whispered, "Did you see that?--was it human?" 

When we stepped into the 99 degree room (which would soon heat to well over 100 degrees) our wide eyes turned into red, puffy, sleepy, droopy, salt encrusted...you get the idea...balls of goo.  The yoga instructor, Olivera, had a beautiful, calm Brazilian accent and, yep, a perfect, tan body that glistened and glowed as she wandered around the room adjusting our pathetic forms that did not glow but continuously dripped sweat and leaked stink into the suffocating air. 

My running mantra, "I feel good, I am strong," took a new meditative form... "Don't pass out. Don't throw up."  But, I will say this: after all the stretching and sweating and posing and tipping over and oming... I have never felt so relaxed and content to just sit and be quiet. The four of us went to breakfast down the street  at T's Cafe, and while the girls chatted and laughed, I smiled like a drunken idiot and felt like a melty ball of wax.

If this sounds like something you are interested in torturing yourself with (and I'm undecided as to whether or not I'm going to do it again in this life time), Haute Yoga on Highway 101 in Solana Beach is offering a free week of yoga to all Southern California residents (Click on the offer in the middle of their home page). Hot yoga is not your only choice. In fact, there are almost a dozen different classes to choose from

Namaste.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Mind Games

I just read a good article in my Runner's World newsletter and found it to be a good reminder of how much running is mental... not in the, "You're a runner? You must be mental" way, but in the "I'm an f'ing strong runner and I'm going to tear this hill down with my thunder thighs, bitches!!" (So my "mental" is a bit of a potty mouth... but most of you aren't surprised by that.)

To prove (sort of) that this article is legit, I experienced a confidence boost yesterday--which is important to any mind strengthening regimen: it never hurts to help yourself feel good about yourself.

I've been doing a very hilly route lately and feeling down about my 11 minute pace times. I was doing sub 9 minute pace for a good while a few weeks ago, but I was also doing it on flat, oceanside runs. So, I made the decision last night to do another flat, oceanside run to boost my confidence and see if I could still run fast. I could. yay.

So if you, like me, are feeling slow and sluggish and unhappy with your "easy" runs, then 1. Read this article and then 2. Go to the track or find a nice flat spot and run as fast as you can for as long as you can and see what your body can do. I bet you'll be impressed with yourself like I am with me........because now I know I'm the bestest! Wow I love me now! (Over the top?? I know.)

Monday, July 12, 2010

Winging It

I realized today that I am not meant to "wing it" in the running world. I need a plan of attack or my intended 9 mile runs turn into 3 miles. I can't help thinking during those runs, Why push myself if I don't have to? And, honestly, it's true. Why run more than 3-5 miles if you don't have a race you're training for? 3-5 miles 4 or 5 times a week is all a person needs to maintain fitness between training schedules. 

The problem is, I don't run 4-5 times a week. I'm lucky with once a week right now. That once a week was today. But, seeing as how it's Monday, I'm going to try for more days this week.  Part of the problem is that I didn't sign up for my usual August 1/2 marathon before it sold out. Now I'm in limbo waiting to see if I can buy a bib off Craigslist which means I'm not in a training mindset.

Speed Struggler suggested some good races here to spice up a bland running schedule...maybe I'll look into one of those. In the mean time, I guess I need to run for running's sake? To stay sane and less depressed about the June (now July) Gloom still lingering overhead? *sigh* Just not feelin' it.

P.S. Thank you to those who have been sending me motivation via Daily Mile: I'm pretty sure that's why I got my butt out of bed to run today. Maybe I'll find a new route this week, since I've been slacking with that goal.