I Run Because I...

It's summer-- I'm sure you're aware. So, technically I don't "run because I teach" in the summertime (because I'm not teaching). There was, of course, summer school, but I've been officially studentless for almost 3 weeks now...so what's the excuse for my irritability? (And if my husband accuses me of PMSing one more time I'm going to go ape-shit.) But I'll get to that issue in a sec.

Well, for thing I run because I eat. A lot. So, I'm starting a new blog called "I Run Because I Eat" (go figure). It's not up yet, but I'm excited about it because I consider myself a person who is well-informed and "in" the San Diego "scene" as far as film and music are concerned...let's just say I know people and therefore I tend to end up eating and drinking at the newest places around town quite often. And the only reason I'm being even a little bit braggy about this fact is because I've had a glass and a half of wine (called "Cupcake" and it's delicious)! So, my plan for that blog is to eat, drink and merry my way around San Diego this summer (and beyond). (I guess I get parenthetical- as well as braggy- when I get tipsy. huh.)

Back to the point: my irritability.

Why do I need to run during the summer? In some ways, I almost prefer the high schoolers to these reasons...

1.) I have a friend whom I love (and will call Zooey), but can't stand going out with in public, and yet that's the only place we go together. She is high maintenance but thinks she's low maintenance. There is nothing that can't be changed with her from the weather to the seasoning on her food. In fact, those are the two things she is constantly commenting on. I kind of wonder if it's a form of OCD--in which case I feel like a total asshole. But seriously, if I hear one more time in that squeaky, nasally voice (that she gets when she wants something changed for her), "ooo it's kinda chilly, I wish I had a cardigan," or "ooo the sun is making me squint, I wish I had my rose-tinted sunglasses," or "ooo this sushi needs less seeeaweed," I'm going to bitch slap someone...and there's no guarantee it'll be her. (As you may know, my husband usually gets the worst of me in these cases.) People like this need to go live in a tent next to a dump in Calcutta for a month so they can be grateful for any food at all and be grateful for living where you don't have to worry about spiders who eat your face off while you sleep. *sigh* I've gone too far. So... I run because I (actually and truly do) like Zooey, and want to keep her as my friend forever.

2. My goal is to go the beach every day for the next month, and if I'm ever going to fit into the cute ruffly bottoms that go with the cute ruffly top I have to downsize my ass. It's one of those bottoms that only covers about a 1/3 of your butt...WHY do all the cute suits do this?? (And more importantly why do they also make these suits in a size large?) I would like to stop wearing the full bottomed light-purple paisley suit bottoms from three summers ago with my new, cute, sea-blue ruffly top. So... I run because I want my bikini to match.

3. The overcast weather is perfect for running between the hours of 6am and 12pm...and even when the sun comes out around 1pm, until it goes down again at 9pm, it's nothing to Zooey about. So...I run because the weather requires.

4. My husband raps and sings life out in falsetto jingles. He hides my lip balm under my pillow at night for no apparent reason and then laughs like a fucking hyena when I find it under there. Because he stinks up the whole house on a daily basis, waits until the trash is in three separate bags on the kitchen floor and smelling like an outhouse before taking them out (his one and ONLY chore), and because he sleeps until noon whenever possible (to his credit, he's a musician and works nonstop). But mostly... I run because he tells me my ass is "looking good these days."

5. I eat frozen yogurt everyday, buy craptons* of $1.00 candy at Target while I wait in line (and then eat all 3 boxes of it while watching re-runs of 'Arrested Development: Season 1' in one sitting), and because I've discovered a new love for vodka-based drinks while eating fried foods like calamari at happy hour. So....I run because I eat.

*craptons: (pronounced crap-tons) An unreasonably large and superfluous amount of a given item.