Every day you make me stupider

(Warning: This post was written over the course of 3 days. It begins negative, because the beginning of my week was so; however, stick with it to the end if you can. My week turned itself around and so did the post.)

I have lost my former self. I used to be so much better than this. "This" being me. Who I am. How I am. It all started when I convinced me to become a teacher. It's a smart, honorable, somewhat poetic thing to do with your life. Wrong. So wrong.

Upon this realization, I decided to do a countdown a la Letterman (pre-Pervyman) style to see the exact ways teaching high school has made parts of my soul rot. But, because my husband is constantly telling me I'm too negative (due largely to the fact that I teach high school in the public school system!) I have decided to balance the losses with a "Gains" countdown as well. We'll see how that pans out. I'm feeling a little uncomfortable with it.

Top Ten Things I Have Lost Since Becoming a High School Teacher

10. Confidence and certainty in my spelling abilities: Sometimes I wonder if "does" really is spelled "dose" or if "with" actually ends with an "e."
9. The love for my own cell phone. And my husband's. And his ipod.
8. My 20/20 vision. The doctor said I can blame it on how many illegible essays I have to read; so I do.
7. Patience for anyone who asks, "But, why?"
6. Patience in general.
5. My love for the movie Anchorman because of that one d-bag-bully of a student who quoted Ron Burgundy every day! (May be the saddest loss of my career.)
4. The ability to go shopping without thinking, "Hmmm...how can I make this low-cut, sheer, silk blouse appropriate for the classroom?"
3. The ability to wear anything outside school, that I happened to wear inside the school, without feeling like a teacher.
2. Pleasant memories of myself as a high schooler. Turns out I was just. like. them.
1. The belief that teaching is a respected and noble career. Trust that administrators and board members have education as their top priority. And, faith that parents will behave like parents.

Sigh.
Please excuse me while I take a butter knife to my throat....(shout out to Kal, Kor and Er!) Eh, let's try the "Gains Countdown" on for size.


Top Ten Things I Have Gained Since Becoming a High School Teacher

10. Five pounds.
9. A Y-shaped crease between my eyebrows from the "You better check yourself," glare I give five days a week.
8. A proclivity for cheap white wine.
7. Love for the smell of freshly duplicated and still warm grammar worksheets.
6. The ability to calculate the exact number of weeks, days and hours before the next holiday at the drop of a hat.
5. Fear of the red blinking light on my classroom telephone.
4. The need to keep pepper spray in my desk drawer and my scissors well hidden from any teenage-eyes.
3. Many, many button-up, collared shirts and cardigans from Target.
2. A passion for and reliance on running.
1. Utter compassion and love and deep, deep sadness for the student who comes to school with a hard "fuck you" attitude because they were born with and live with so little hope.

Annnnnnd, my husband is correct. I seem to have a mental block when it comes to true positivity. I'll be in the kitchen polishing butter knives if you need me....

(One Day Later)
I went for a run today and realized this...

Top Ten Ways San Diego Saves Me:

10. While getting ready for work, I can hear the cruise ship horns as they glide into the harbor.
9. I can run to said cruise ship from my house.
8. It can be blazing hot or freezing cold at work in East County, but when I get back to the coast, it's a perfect 72 degrees (MOST of the time--which inspired me to run seven miles today and therefore met my long run goal for the week)!
7. The seagull cries are a constant reminder that open, unpopulated-for-as-far-as-the-eyes-can-see space is not far away.
6. The grocer at the market across the street always has a new joke to tell. Plus, he knows me by name and never asks to see my I.D.
5. Today, when I needed to find a "prize" (candy from Vons) for two of my students before work, I was able to get a Starbucks coffee at the same time.
4. The planes that wake me up in the morning remind me how close my family can be sometimes.
3. People here move fast, but no one's in a hurry.
2. If I run west or east for one mile, I am running beside large bodies of water whose reflection helps give me a year-round tan.
1. Within a one block radius of my house I can get a hair cut, mani-pedi, facial or massage, get groceries, have Afternoon High Tea with a friend or ex-professor, get an amazingly decadent square cupcake, buy a pumpkin from the mini-pumpkin patch, eat the best bean, cheese, and guac burrito this side of the border, browse vintage jewlery and wing-backed chairs, pet a calico cat, eat seriously amazing Italian food on a quaint covered patio, talk to someone from another country at the hostel, sit at a bar with a cheap beer/burger combo while watching the game on a big screen, do some killer hill repeats behind the donut shop, check out an audio-book from the library, and get a great cup of coffee for only a dollar.

Since I had such a fantastic long run today (See #8 above), I feel like making my Tri-Athlete Cookies. But since this particular post has droned on quite long enough, I will make it a post all it's own called, "My Tri-Athlete Cookies for Everyone, Even if You're Not a Tri-Athlete."

Keep on Truckin' my peps.