Thursday, March 4, 2010

Spent

It is horrifying what happened to Chelsea King. It makes me sad, disgusted, outraged and sick to my stomach that women can't walk or jog in a quiet, peaceful place without the fear of attack. Men like John Albert Gardner III should be castrated. All the world revolves around that thing between men's legs...without it the world would be a safer more peaceful place. I have to stop talking about it because I am enraged at the moment and I don't have the emotional reserves this week to deal with it.

It's hard to think about the fact that I'll be running a full marathon on Sunday. It seems like such a frivolity after everything that has happened with Chelsea King. But nevertheless, the world keeps spinning. People living... dying. Students learning. Teachers teaching. Runners running. On and on and on.

I am relieved that the marathon is nearly here. Since Monday my husband and I have spent every spare moment between the hours of 3pm (when we get off work) and midnight moving out of our tiny cave of an apartment, and into a beautiful, light-filled, ocean-view home. We are extremely excited and extremely exhausted. We are spent in every possible way: emotionally and physically...probably even spiritually. I am sore in my body-- from the move, in my mind-- which hasn't stopped "running" (even in my sleep), and in my heart-- for a fellow runner who will never run again. I will be relieved when my feet are finally on the roads of Napa. Of all the weeks leading up to the race that felt so long and tedious...this has been the longest week of them all.

When I think of the race this weekend, I don't see the pain I might be in, I don't see the mile after mile after mile monotony I will face. Instead, I see burdens left behind and freedom ahead. I see something managable. Something I know how to deal with... after a week like this one, the marathon will be my escape, my vacation, my rest.

Thank you...

To Speed Struggler: you have been such a wonderful blog-companion these last few months. Thank you for your encouragement and input--it's been invaluable to me. I hope you continue to heal and stay on the road...one day we'll run a race together!

To Linsey: You know. (Camel...)

4 comments:

  1. I was so sad to read about Chelsea and can imagine that having this happen in your local community has been heart breaking.
    You've also had a challenging week but I do hope your mind and body can allow you to switch off for a couple of good nights sleep before Napa! Very, very best of luck and if you can tell me anything afterward about the camber of the road/route, I'd be glad to hear it.
    Thank you for your concern about my safety - be assured that all my lone runs are in densely populated residential neighborhoods and I feel completely safe.

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  2. Moving is indeed physically exhausting...so much for a quiet taper. May the sun shine down on you this weekend, but not too intensely. And, above all else, soak in the grapes.

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  3. A terrible thing about Chelsea...we were shocked when we heard about it. Keep up the running...it gets us through sometimes.

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  4. Whispering into my shirt pocket...I'm supposed to text you to tell you about writing, but I'm having a hard time getting off the sofa. It's way more fun listening to the ghetto lingo rambled on the sidewalk outside of my house. And the pizza...oh, the pizza. It's gonna go right to my camel--

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